You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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