It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
