After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
