i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
