I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
