It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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