She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sext me about skeletons
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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