that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
