Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
