watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
