"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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