white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
