TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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