We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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