There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
