Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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