Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
