I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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