mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
