apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
