wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
