saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
