She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
