Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
