sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
