When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
