just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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