Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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