i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
