i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
