I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
