it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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