Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Holy sore nipples Batman
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
