I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
