They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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