i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
