Im at strip club and am horny
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
