His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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