i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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