I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
should my penis look like a turkey
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
