i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You took a bar mat shot.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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