the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
