hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
