So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
