it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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