Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
