The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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