I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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