jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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