I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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