And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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