You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
